Smart People Doing Stupid Stuff

No, this is not about Twitter or Facebook. An interesting pirate pal of Skully's is just slightly to the right of Atilla The Hun. Actually, he would probably take offense at the "slightly" part. No matter, I happen to like the guy. Combination programmer and fire arms dealer. Now, he's a pretty informed guy and quite intelligent. Since we tend to disagree on a lot of things - fewer as Skully gets older - one might think that after I read his weekly newsletter (publishes several), my anger was based the slant of his comments. Quite the opposite.

He quoted somebody worthy of quoting (in his opinion) in that Obama was sworn in without the use of a Bible. This pissed me off! Who is this guy standing in front of the American public, being sworn in to the highest office in the land and doing it without the requisite Bible.

Fortunately, one of Skully's Jr. Pirates heard the rantings spewing forth from the fore deck and said, "Uh, pop, you might want to check your sources. Obama was sworn in using Lincoln's Bible. It's been all over the news". I checked. Sure enough, Abe's Bible was right there on the stand.

To Skully's friend: "You used to piss me off because of your position, now you piss me off because you spew out wrong stuff and in Skully's opinion, you do it on purpose just to scare and anger people". Hmmm... sounds like he would make a darn fine politician (exactly the people he says he despises for exactly the same reasons.

Practical Tips for A Better Life

Now, Skully happens to love Boil-In-A-Bag Meat, so this is not meant as a condemnation of Taco Bell, merely good and practical advice with a real-world application. Go to Taco Bell at times other than lunch and dinner.

Why?

1. Taco is warm enough to actually melt the cheese.
2. OK, there is really only one reason. See above.

That's pretty much it for life advice today.

Advice to New Freelancers/Soloists

Practical advice is hard to come by, so Skully felt duty bound to provide some to his freelancing buddies (PS: E.S. - you're no longer part of the tribe now that you are "working for the man").

Here are some helpful hints from books/articles on being self-employed - yes, I MAY have modified slightly.

• Get out of the house/office.
  
• Show up at somebody else's door and tell them you are here for your appointment.
• 
  
• Go to a little roadside bistro.
• Take your own box of wine.
• 
  
• Watch a beautiful sunset.
  
• Scream really loud, "FU sun! You're breaking up with ME!?"
• 
  
• Take a long walk.
• To the liquor store.
• 
  
• Enroll in a comedy improv class.
• Take a date and tell them, "Surprise, I signed you up. You only THOUGHT you were funny".
• 
  
• Schedule a lunch date and promise to pay.
• Then don't show up.
• 
  
• Eat crackers in bed.
  
• Then kick yourself out.

This should help get you through that first week.

The Inaguration, Metamucil, Beer, Freelancing and Depends

What a fascinating day! Inauguration 2009! Wow! New President... New Day... New Hope. Cool stuff but nothing to do with what's on Skully's mind. Seems that a number of my friends have found themselves in the position of becoming freelancers. Quite honestly, Skully envies them. Well, not the lack of start-up income -- the simple joy of having the word "free" in their job title. Somehow it seems empowering. But that's not my point either.

Must be that Skully is moving from the "how's it going years" to the "how it was years" because he is looking at some comments from his freelancing pals who find themselves motivated (terrified) by the notion of ending up living with their parents. Well kiddies, YOU think YOU are scared? What about those parents that are thinking, "Crap, the brat may have to move back home! Their little sanctuary room has already become my home theater. Geez, the only reason I can have my home theater is BECAUSE they moved out! Now I might have to take them back? I don't freakin think so!"

I know, there is the benefit of their being able to make the beer run but now you're gonna have to worry about whether your robe is closed. Now you're going to have to clean up after them again. Now you're gonna have to move the beer in the fridge to make room for tofu or some other non-edible crap.

They're going to want to watch Friends when you're used to Green Acres reruns. And to top it all off, they're going to laugh at your breakfast prunes and mid-day Metamucil cocktail.

Then again, they can make the beer run. Maybe it aint so bad after all. I suppose in the end, it Depends on who's diaper is changed last.

Skully... A Man of Intellect

Short and to the point.

I heard from seven people today that their products are, "better than everyone else's". Yes, I counted. Mathematically impossible as all seven of these people offer the same product category. For reasons beyond my willingness to contemplate, I found this interesting. How could everybody's products be better than everyone else's? Only in the world of marketing can claims like this be made without reservation... all the while knowing that:

1. No one believes it. Either teller or listener.
2. Nobody cares.
3. It probably comes down to price anyway.

See how smart Skully is.

Further "intellectual observation":

Some folks I know raised their prices. In a big way.
They sell "commodity" products.
People bought from them anyway.
Trust me, they don't do anything special or in marketing-speak, "value-add".
For them, the concept of price elasticity seems to be invalid while for others it holds true.
Yes, there are factors that have not been measured and identified.
No, this is not a statistically relevant test.

Point? Sometimes it is better to just try something than to over-think it. Maybe that's why a whole lot of mildly intelligent people do a whole lot more than the brainiacs.

Other point? There is hope for Skully. After all, he's a whole lot less brilliant than everyone else.

Apropos of Nothing

Heard a great joke today. It was funny.
Spent time in a big meeting. It wasn't funny.
Looked up the definition of "definition". Probably not funny, but made me laugh.

Skully... On "Inspiration"

Feeling mighty inspired. Better act quick before I come to my senses.

Somebody asked me today, "Where does all of your inspiration come from?" My response? "Well, you know. The whistling pines. The sound of birds chirping their songs in the early morning quiet. A well placed smile. You know, all the usual places.

"No. Seriously. Where?" Apparently they KNOW me.

In frustration, I resorted to a truthful answer (last resort). "Well, the good stuff pretty much comes from some of the classic song lines and titles". Not the glorious absence of "easy listening".

The weather is here, wish you were beautiful
I went our with Mr. Cheap Date
I heard I was in town
Uno Mas Cerveca
The wino and I know
If I were Ron Howard's brother
Living life is never easy as it seems
Things get complicated when you get past eighteen
That stupid Bxxx
I don't eat much for a hollow man
Gently broken
I surrender
Staring up at the stars
Don't I take your sister driving every night
She put the funk in dysfunctional
White trash wedding (do not even ask!)
Working too hard
The everclear song
Let's get started if we're gonna break my heart
Baby it's cold outside (The Ann Margaret and Al Hirt version)
You call it jogging, I call it running around
A fight for all the wrong reasons
If anyone cared
Can't do a thing to stop me
Semi-true story
She's better lookin when you're lonely
That really sucks
Walkin in the rain (by this really cool friend of mine)


But to set the record straight, I get some pretty good stuff from the characters of books...
Myron Bolitar
Spencer
Travis MacGee
Skink
Shorty
Elvis Cole
Joe Pike
Dave Robicheaux

See, like I said, "inspiration" is all around us. The scary part is what it just may inspire Skully to do. Case in point... watched Transporter... leaving now to test drive a BMW. No plans on buying. Going to fill the trunk with Coronas and dance naked into the night.

A Genius, If Only Momentary

Well, it is indeed official... Skully is a financial genius! With all of the talk about bailouts, deficits, down markets and the like; this Ol Pirate has it all figured out. OK, he has part of it figured out.

As with the beginning of every new year, there is a time for house cleaning, office cleaning and well, yes, even a little financial "straightening". After a few hours of Quicken work, it would appear that somehow, miraculously, Skully's outgo is a whole lot bigger than his ingo.

So, what's that tell us?

1. You can spend more than you make.
2. Even with significant excess spending, you will still be in far better shape than the Government and Big Business.
3. Moral? I was irresponsible... but a whole lot less than all of the Super Brains.
4. Moral Re-thought? The Super Brains are doing their "figgering" from the Tropics and I remain stuck in the Tundra.

Crap! Maybe I aint so bright after all.