Skully Returns

After a much needed... no. After a much deserved... no. Ok, let's be honest... after a bunch of time and with no excuse, Skully is returning. Maybe it has something to do with a sudden desire to kick Sir Richard off his VI island... who knows. Maybe its the new JB Buffet Hotel. More likely it's the Coronas. Who knows.

So kids, be warned, Skully is back and he's more than a little annoyed with some of you, particularly those who were at Costco today. What WERE you people thinking? Gimme a break. Did you really need to run into me so you could get the sausage sample? My guess from looking at you is "not". And for the oh so pleasant chap who didn't think anyone saw him shove his cart back out into the parking lot... I GOT YOUR FRIGGIN PLATE DUDE! And what's worse, I followed you to your so-called "house". Look for a special present from Skully Claus.

Skully is back.

"Product"

Short rant. Overheard nephew responding, "No way. I don't use no product". Since he was talking to who knows who over his mobile, I was scared to death that he was referring to some illicit "product". Course I was glad he said he wasn't "using".

Today I am in the barber shop and I hear the check out gal say, "Do you want product today"? What the heck!? Barber shop drug distribution? What has happened to the world!

Turns out they were both talking about hair gel. Sheesh. What's the world coming to when marketers disguise simple Pomade and Butch Wax as "product".

I tell you that to tell you this: Why can we just say what we mean and mean what we say. And you thought I couldn't work JB lyrics into another post.

Air Travel

Almost missed connection tonight. Why? Because the first plane needed a jump start. Not kidding.

Guy next to me yawned. 4 people died from the overwhelming odor.

Airport bartender carded me (and everyone) and then used my name when speaking to me! Of course it would have been nice to have been able to get a second beer during the 95 minutes I was there. Fortunately loud Mexican country music was playing. Shoo boy that helped my disposition. Nothing against either Mexican or country music... unless its in an airport, loud and bad.

Positive thoughts: Allow tipping for flight attendants. Surely a little extra money might help them force themselves to be mildly civil.

Give TSA personnel some type of gun. Come on, how else are they going to stop anybody. Most of them couldn't run 2 feet. Even Barney got one bullet.

Find a way that I don't have to walk seven miles from the terminal to where my rental car is "conveniently located".

On the subject of business meetings:

1. Have an agenda.
2. Stick to the agenda.
3. See 1 above.

Oh, and by the way, if you're a nasty person, let it all hang out. Trying to be a decent human being when you're from the planet Butthead doesn't really work out all that well. You're miserable and you aren't fooling anybody.

If Only I Had a Really Good (and cheap) Editor

Well, Skully's book, "Me and Wahoo" is nearing completion. The draft will be done July 15th (I know that because it's now in writing). The only missing ingredient is a really good/cheap editor to take the drivel and make it something great. Oh, how I wish I knew a really good/cheap editor.

People Lie

Quick lesson tonight. Some people will lie. Don't be shocked when they do. That is all.

Don't Know Whether to Laugh or Cry

Skully caught a part of the news (closed caption) from the gym. As a side note, when are they going to start serving drinks to pirates like me stuck on treadmills? Seriously, why not a little cocktail service while I sweat? Anyway, back to the point.

The news dude was on the topic of "torture" that has been allowed during terrorist interrogations in the past. Here is the closed caption... you are going to love it...

"Crime is in the eyes of the beholder". Seriously! Sure, the sound bite lacks some context but either A) Either a news person B) Government spokesperson or C) Expert made the comment.

Next UP: Wolf Blitzer interview Jack the Ripper on whether what he did was a crime. Jack's remark, "Not in my eyes". Case dismissed. Ok - I made that one up.

Humor is all around us... even if the tear it brings to the eye is from pain.

I Shouldn't Poke Fun... But I Am Going To

Ok, a lot of people are more interested than ever in finding some financial security. Even Skully is beginning to think that maybe he needs to reconsider some of his spending patterns. And in this mentality of "financial sanity", he turns to Dave Ramsey. OK, so I did at least look at his website. He has gained a "fame" status in recent times.

So... his products to help me figure out how to take back control of my spending, debt, etc. appear pretty good and quite honestly, reasonably priced. "Financial Peace University" looks pretty good!

Just as I was getting ready to click, my eye (yes, eye - remember, I am a pirate) was drawn to:

"Designer" coupon and envelope organizers. Yes, "designer". I guess you can't make serious financial headway with cheap ol envelopes.

All kidding aside, this is really a great program for anybody looking for some help with the money side of life.

Dave Ramsey Financial University

Ex Ron White Fan

Skully has been a big fan of Ron White since the first time he saw the original Blue Comedy Tour. And I mean a BIG FAN! Until last night. Saw his latest show on Comedy Central. Bleck. Hey, Ron! You have "bottomed out". If you start off with your best stuff and that's jokes about your butt and toilets, maybe it's time to retire. Either that or do us all a favor - get some better material because you CAN be a funny guy... but not if all you want to talk about is your "can".

Maybe that's the whole problem with a lot of stuff. We feel pressure to always be coming up with something new. A new sales tactic. A new product line. A new "whatever". By itself, coming up with something new is good and often times necessary. Just don't stray too far from giving the people, who helped support your success in the first place, the things they value. Stray too far and you end up one of those mangy dogs in the alley, a "stray". Come to think of it, Ron looked a lot like that in his show. Maybe I am onto something here.

Questions Looking for Answers

A quick list of things to think about if you are in sales (biz owner or any other humanoid surviving on some type of revenue based compensation package). The questions are going out to hundreds of salespeople around the globe. Feel free to chime in, comment, ignore. Even better, add some!

How are the current economic conditions impacting your business?

What are you doing to grow sales in what some find to be a difficult economic period?

A common complaint is, “not enough time to prospect” (or some other important activity) . Is this reality or an excuse?

Ways to organize your day for maximum effectiveness.

Do you use a “sales process” or “selling system”?

Crackberry addiction: How many hours a day are you truly accessible to customers?

Sales Managers: What are some of the ways you are motivating sales reps to counteract the “doom and gloom” media exposure?

Sales Reps: What are reasonable expectations for number of hours worked?

Sales Managers: What are reasonable expectations for the number of hours your reps work each week?

It's Over When It's Over... And That Aint Yet

Lots more doom in the news today. Some seriously bad stuff. Swine flu. Earthquakes. And the list goes on. Wrote about getting "stuck in the mud" the other day and it got me thinking. Mud attracts more mud. Bad crud attracts more bad crud. Talking about bad crud attracts more bad talk. Even Jimmy couldn't seem to help but get caught up in it.




See what I mean? Sure, it's funny. Sort of...

Now, I love Jimmy, but I'm running thin on whining (especially when I am stuck in the Midwest while he's hanging out in Tiki Bars - yes, it's called, "jealously".

Then again, I am choosing to stay focused on the good stuff... on the long run... I refuse to get stuck in the mud of crud (why I have no idea how my 101k is doing). If you want some encouragement, check this out. It's a good reminder that we are all in this thing for the long run and it aint over.

I say, FINISH STRONG!

Speaking of "finishing strong" now might be a good time to freshen up that single malt.

Customer Service

When you want to find funny stuff... you really don't have to look that far. Good case in point: Notalwaysright.com. Whether you are in sales, customer service, management or anybody that truly appreciates the funny stuff that happens all around you, this is a great place for a good chuckle.

Had one of these myself today. A "major customer relations situation"... "code red"... arm the battle stations... bring in the big gun (that was me)...

Customer's customer was IRATE. "Seriously, the woman has fangs" I was told. How anyone knew that from email and phone-only correspondence, I am wasn't quite sure... until a little later. End result? I waxed eloquently! "Uh, you ordered the wrong part. We will ship you the one that will fit". Problem solved. OK, not as funny as the Notalwaysright.com guys but if you were on the call, I promise, you would have chuckled. Isn't it great when the small stuff gives us a warm chuckle?

On the other hand, let's look at Swine Flu and the CDC. According to the CDC, symptoms may include: "The symptoms of swine flu in people are similar to the symptoms of regular human flu and include fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, headache, chills and fatigue."

On the other hand, I ran across an article in which the doctor said something to the effect (I can't locate the actual quote right now), Its not like waking up in the morning and feeling a little off. It's like you feel so bad, you want to die.

Now, clearly this isn't funny in a positive way. The dark humor is the contradiction in what we are being told. One on hand, normal cold/flu symptoms, on the other, feel like death. Good thing the American Medical profession has a handle on this. Maybe they will eventually even know what the symptoms are. For me; I get a hang nail and Skully is calling the paramedics. Better to be laughed at than buried. Hmmm, there's that humor thing again.

Maybe I better stick with Notalwaysright.com.

Stuck In The Mud

Well, pirate fans - it's rainy season here in the Midwest (that's the season wedged between frozen tundra and humidity that should be reserved for beaches). And with the rains come two things:

1. Leaky basements.
2. Plenty of free indoor time to do all those projects that you should do during the winter but don't want to - OR - plenty of time to ponder life's great mysteries.

Since the project list grows no matter what gets completed (NEVER BUY A HOUSE FROM A HANDY MAN) Skully has chosen to ponder.

I tell you that to tell you this. I want to talk about mud. You know the stuff. Slippery, slimy, slick blecky crud. The kind that when your truck decides to take that cross-the-field shortcut, you end up revving the engine faster and faster but not actually going anywhere.

Sort of reminds me of my discussion with a sales manager pal of mine this morning. Going over his sales growth (negative), he was stymied as to why the number of customers was growing, the average size of customers was increasing and yet the bottom line of the top line was that his sales was declining.

Being the Wise Skully that I am, I could tell him in a heartbeat what the problem was, but I let him go on. "To make matters worse, my reps are all complaining that they don't have enough time to take care of customers and bring in new ones", he whined.

Letting him stew in his own misery a little longer, I silently and patiently waited for him to go on. But alas, he was dejected and feeling neglected (far better than being on the Group W bench that Arlo Guthrie sang so eloquently about oh, those many years ago).

"Look, bud, it's simple," I said. "You are stuck in the mud." See how I cleverly worked this whole "mud" thing? Anyway, I explained the following basic points of "sales growth".

1. Dump crappy accounts that eat more time than provide profit.
2. Quit churning your tires! If the sale isn't going anywhere (those accounts that are on your prospect list since Granny was a youngster), get back on the highway and move on down the road. The highway is where the big deals are. It's faster. It goes more places and it's a whole lot more fun with the top down.
3. Mud attracts. If you get stuck in it, you are going to do nothing but pick up more mud and make it worse.
4. Hire somebody to do your "clerk work". Make time for selling!


Me? I am going to go put up those shelves in the closet that came crashing down last night. That way when the sun comes out, I can go fishin'. Fishing for new customers or from a boat. Hmmm, maybe I need a new boat so I can entertain prospects. Better call the accountant.

If It's Worth Learning, It's Worth Learning Over and Over

Decided to do a little self-testing today. Result? Purchased a 12 pack of Tecate. Skully isn't the brightest bulb in the socket, but then again, he isn't the dimmest either. Or, at least, so he thought.

Sat down and took note of some of the major lessons I have learned lately. In the spirit of complete transparency (ok, as much as you get from a guy that writes under a psuedonym (let's see what spell check does on that one), here they be:

1. If it sounds too easy... be prepared. Something is going to "suddenly" come up.
2. Price last... details first. Been bit by the "Columbo" thing a number of times.
3. Relationships are great... but they are secondary to the belief (in the mind of the customer) that you are providing incredible value.
4. "Tentacles"... better have a lot of points of contact (and influence) within any customer as roles are being changed almost daily.
5. Hire really, really great people... but only if you can stand working with them.

Sounded pretty good until I realized how basic these are... and how many blasted times I have had to re-learn them.

I offer them up to you in the desire that you too will benefit... ok, not really. I offer them up so you can see just how many times you have re-learned your most "Brilliant" insights. After all, misery loves company (or beer). Feel free to send beer. Donations are accepted.

Shameless Promotion

Skully has decided to write a book. Going to be the hit of the century in the "Business Guru" category. Covers "leadership", "management", "business practices"... you name it.

It's called, "Cluster Management". Simple concept. Based on observations during a meeting between various factions coming together to create a joint endeavor.

The concept is indeed simple. Think of ClusterFxxK. Yes kiddies, I am skating on thin ice, professionally speaking. The subtitle is, "Blenders in the Boardroom". Or, maybe, "Garbage Disposal Management Practices".

More on this exciting concept at another date.

The Accidental Wisdom of Yutes

"Your honor, dees two yutes..." yesterday, they taught me a lot. Not because of their insight but because I happened to unintentionally listen to my responses to their questions.

2 twenty-somethings.
MBA class project.
Talk to an entrepreneur.
Ask a bunch of questions.
Gain "widsom".
Put together project to include PowerPoint.

First, what the heck happened to sprial bound typed pages!! Teaching America's Yutes to convey information in a PPT... Seriously, is this where we have arrived? Don't even get me started on this. There are companies that use ppts for everything. Come on, people! 99% of all the ppts I see are nothing more than lame ways to keep from having to actually learn and present information - no more than crib notes on a screen.

But I digress. My answer that disturbed me was a response to the question of, "What's your typical day look like"? My FIRST answer was, "Dark at first, getting lighter until it dimmed and then went black". The answer that got me thinking though was, "60% dealing with strategic accounts, 25% supporting other people's needs internally (resource acquisition, political help, etc.) and 20% BS." Yes, that means that somehow I have found 105% of my time. Quite the neat little trick actually. But doesn't is say that I have ZERO time for planning? And what is my job? S'posed to be 65% planning. Hmmm.

Oh, by the way, the failed the math test. Not surprised, they are MBA's after all. Jack of all... master of nada.

I will probably end up a case study on what not to do (according to academia) but, hey, I don't live hanging on the vines from ivory... Skully has to live in the real world. Maybe that should be the NEW curriculum... "Reality". Nah, that crap is hard to teach.

PS: Sorry about the bad "Carlinism" and "Vinnie".

Crap! As A Middle Aged Marketer, I am Hosed

As a marketer, I need people to pay attention... to ME! I am not going to explain my dilemma yet. I am only going to share these vids with you as food for thought. OK, I may add a few of my own first thoughts.

Disclaimer: Skully has a 16 year ADHD kid who is A) Very quick and bright, B) Can't get home with assignments, C) Can't remember to turn stuff in, D) Doesn't see a darn thing being taught as relevant, and E) Is stimulated to learn when he is stimulated and entertained. In other words, HE IS MY FUTURE CUSTOMER. Too much extra sensory input and too little attention to a single message (i.e. my marketing message). AND he wants my message to be relevant instead of "frequent". Or, he learns by 1)Being interested and 2) Reacting to a message based on what "captures his attention" vs. being hit over the head with repetition. Now... that's a big problem if you are a marketer!

These clips deal with education but there are some big lessons for middle-aged marketers if they want to be old-age marketers.















Top O Mind Thoughts (all of which scare the crap out of me).
1. Times are achangin.
2. It is all about me.
3. Entertain me BY informing me.
4. Deliver messages they way I receive them.
5. Forget frequency.
6. Do all of this for me AND I MIGHT care about you. Might.

Change

Several folks have sent me a powerful video on the speed of change. It's equally mind-blowing, scary and exhilarating. Regardless of how it effects you, it raises a whole lot of questions for all of us. Business school books are littered with descriptions of how companies have reinventing themselves over time. AND I STRESS "OVER TIME". After you watch the video, think about what "over time" now means.




Not sure if I want to grab on to the innovation thing or find a slow boat to Key West.

For Trop Rock Fans

A sort of public service announcement:

More and more people mention they love Jimmy Buffet stuff. Frankly, I find this quite troubling. Don't misunderstand, I've been a Parrot Head for a long, long time. Picked up the habit during college (in an entirely land-locked area) and have never laid it down with the exception of two times.

1. A Pirate Looks at 50. Read the book and kept wondering where the rest of the family was during their "trip together".

2. Swine Not. Picked up the book. Read the intro. Set book down.

OK, there was another time when I seriously considered retiring... after a search of all of his songs and how many albums were little more than re-do's of his classics.

But I always came back. So why am I more than a little concerned that I have been noticing how many people seem to be "discovering" JB of late? Because I fear they are picking up the habit from Margaritaville Radio. And to put it pretty bluntly, there are way too many flat recordings of his live shows. Folks, there is a reason for studios and editing! Just listen to his original recordings and then the live versions. You will quickly get the point.

So, for all of you newbie Trop Rockers, check out Margarita Mafia (Musicians, Artists, Fans and to save you time from searching (not to mention leaving a free hand for a margarita), here is a great way to discover the best that the genre has to offer: Margarita Mafia. Guaranteed to get you looking for beaches, bars and ballads.

And don't forget to check out one of the best: Brent Burns

OK, one more...


OK, one more one more... You CANT tell me this aint fun!!

and this ends my PSA (public service, not prostate).

All The Top News

Hey Kiddies - stumbled on Alltop lately. Wow! Get on board. This is an awesome way to aggregate the news the way I want. Basically the front page of a newspaper that you design. Seriously cool too.

Register for free. Spend some time choosing your topics and away you go. Absolutely fantastic.

PS: Skully has no financial interest in Alltop. Just so you know.

The Power of 7 or 5 or 3...

Just finished perusing an article entitled 5 Rules for Keeping Your Sales Job During a Recession. Enlightening! Insightful!

Main Tips:

Paying attention to activities and performing the right ones;
Developing and keeping the proper attitude;
Making yourself indespensible;
Not making enemies;
Planning contingencies.

Other than not bothering to run spell check (Skully doesn't either) - indispensable was misspelled - the article (OK, I read no more than the 5 "Rules" bullets) is in a nutshell... just plain horse hockey.

Only "rule" you need to know: Make your company a lot of money. Yes, its that simple. So what did I really learn? While copywriters extol the virtues of 7/5/3 "Secrets/tips/rule" for headlines, at least salespeople SHOULD know that making the sale (isn't that what headlines are for?) boils down to one claim: Mr. Prospect, I am going to make you (fill in the blank).

It's all about the "Power of 1". Now, go make your company a lot of money.

PS: If you get canned anyway, there's a ton of companies that will drool over you.
PSS: You will make some enemies along the way if you are any good.

Is there any justice?

Skully closes two major deals this week and is working on a HUMONGOUS one... he's still responsible for grouting his own shower. What's that all about? If you haven't had the pleasure of replacing grout... don't. It really is that simple. After 117 web references he is no closer to enlightenment so he does what he always does. Throws away the instructions and just starts slapping crap around. Who knows. Maybe something will stick. Hmmm, maybe a business lesson in there somewhere. Nah.

Life Lessons:
1. Skip the advice.
2. Blow through the second guessing.
3. Go ahead and jump in.
4. Go hire somebody after you totally screw it up.

At least you got going. That's more than most folks.

TSA and the Magic Card

You may recall Skully had a little run in with TSA in Ft. Lauderdale recently. Well, this past week he had to take to the unfriendly skies once again. Honestly, sorta sweating it. After all Skully had lodged a formal complaint with TSA and was probably on some sort of list.

Imagine his excitement when he realized that he had left his driver's license at the departure airport and needed to return home! Well, given enough credit cards, insurance cards, etc. he learned that it's possible to pass security. Possible... but with "extra scrutiny". Fortunately he was carrying the MAGIC CARD! Yes, his Costco card got him through. Costco. I am not kidding. Rest safely America. Oh, and Costco card, don't leave home without it.

Looking to make a difference... don't know how?

Quick plug. These guys are incredible. If you want to make some positive impact in the world and are looking for something bigger than yourself... check out these guys. Met Tom last night during preparation for a couple of my younger Pirates to travel down to the 9th Ward to help out over Spring Break.

Pretty easy to worry over the 401k. Pretty easy to worry over the Beamer payment. Pretty easy to stand back and complain about Bush/OBama/Madhoff/etc. Pretty hard to understand what people who have never known any security worry about. Personally, I'm putting it out there so my Bucanneers can hold me accountable - I will be helping these guys.

Miller to Retire!

Skully was thrilled to see headlines today stating, "Miller may retire after this season". This seemingly innocuous new put a little hop in my stride, a smile on my face and a whistle on my lips all afternoon.

But alas, my excitement was once again dashed due to reality. Hate it when that happens. See, the issue was that Ol Skully assumed it was DENNIS MILLER set to retire which meant that Skully would never inadvertently be subjected to the arrogant, self-centered and often mean-spirited drivel spewing forth from Miller's pie hole.

With great enthusiasm, Skully jumped on Google to find the details and print the headlines to hang in the Captain's Quarters. What Skully actually found was that BODE MILLER ( a great pirate! ) was looking to retire. DANG!

And apparently I am not alone. According to Ski Channel, Reason #7 for why Bode should not retire is: "Dennis Miller will become the most famous Miller". And that my fellow pirates is just plain DISGUSTING!

Bode dude, HELP! Don't let this happen!

Some of it is really bad news...

Don't think Skully's weariness over the state of the doom and gloom means that he is choosing to ignore reality. Far from it. He simply chooses to worry over the important stuff. One took her life and another drank herself to death - real stuff that is devastating lives among his circle of pirate-friends and their friends. To those friends he offers only this. It's all Skully has.

Serious Stuff

Had the good fortune to spend some time with Kelsey Smith's parents tonight. If you don't know about Kelsey Smith, she was abducted outside of a Target store in Overland Park, Kansas and murdered in the summer of 2007. It took 16 seconds from the time of approach to the time of abduction and get-away.

Her family created the Kelsey Smith Foundation (made up at first of "Kelsey's Army" who searched non-stop for the four days she went missing. 16 seconds people!

Here are some simple and basic tips that everyone should think about:

Kelsey's Army Tips

I plan to write more on this over the next few days but here is as good of a place to start as any.

Before you think this is stuff that "never happens in my neighborhood/to people like me", consider that Overland Park, Kansas is an above average income area with parts that are of significant affluence. Kelsey's dad is ex-military and police. In other words, she was TRAINED and in a solid socio-economic area and it still happened.

According to police officers and combat-trained professionals, NEVER, EVER allow yourself to be taken from the point of the attack. Period! "If you leave crime scene #1, you won't leave crime scene #2".

I've trained with guys and gals that train street fighters, police officers and body guards. Their advice is consistent. !) Make noise. 2) Fight back if it's physical (give it away if it's property and 3) BE AGGRESSIVE. The altercation may go bad, but an abduction almost always will. If you get a funny feeling that something "just isn't right", it probably isn't. Call the police - DONT wait. Better to be embarrassed than embraced in eulogy.

More on this later. Kelsey's Army is an incredible organization that reminds us that 4000 people age 17-24 are murdered every year. That means that in the same time it has taken us to lose 5000 soldiers in Iraq, we have lost over 20,000 of our young people. A very sobering (AND FOR SOME ABSOLUTELY AWFUL/WRONG REASON), a very un-reported statistic.

It's Been a Long Winter...

Perfect remedy for "one of those days"... or maybe just a great lifestyle choice. Skully leaves it to you to decide.



Skully would write more but, well, he's calling in gone...

Another Brilliant Idea...

Here's a brilliant concept: Sell an ELECTRIC appliance without the power cord! Seriously, sounds stupid - right? Come on now, what brilliant product manager/marketeer/cost accountant/whatever would actually sell an ELECTRIC appliance without the power cord?

Well, welcome to Skully's home improvement weekend.

1. Installed garbage disposal. Didn't turn on.
2. Went to install trac lighting only to notice it was "exactly the right design" but it wasnt wired to be a trac light.
3. Replaced bathroom water faucet. It leaks... still does.
4. Replaced lightbulb. 100% successful, first time.
5. Drank beer.

I tell you that to tell you this.

Yanked out old garbage disposal (no wonder it sounded like gears grinding - giant pieces of rust inside). Not too bad once you figure that whole "twist thing" out for the removal process.

Put new one in. Replumbed. Leaded. Re-replumbed. Didn't leak (but don't touch anything or look too close).

Hit switch. Nothing. Hit switch harder. Nothing. Hmmm.

Looked under sink. Yep, disposal was hanging there. Should work.

Hit switch. Nothing. Read part of the instructions. Aha! Hit reset button. Hit switch. Nothing.

Dawned on me. Shouldn't there be some electrical connection? After all, I HAD unplugged the old unit. Looked around the garbage disposal. No cord. NO CORD? What the heck?

Read installation instructions. THEY ACTUALLY SELL THESE THINGS WITHOUT CORDS! Thank you Mr. Manufacturer (Insinkerator) for letting me know that I had to remove the power cord from the old unit and then wire up the new one!

Then again, I am a manufacturer so I understand cost-cutting. But come on, how much labor does it take to have some underpaid sweat shop worker wire the thing up in the first place!

Next project? Finish the beer.

It Aint All Bad News...

Skully's getting a little tired of all the doom and gloom from the media. OK, more than a little tired. Sure, the nest egg looks more like a dust bunny than a nest and the egg is about the size of a marble, but kiddies there remains some pretty incredible news out there and the best part is that the good news hasn't changed in 2000 years!

Enough Is Enough

This probably has never happened to you... BUT... the last few days have been the big daddy of all circle jerks. "Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right..." Forget it, Skully isn't even going to try to explain.

note: if you haven't tried Jimmy John's sandwiches, you are missing a great treat. Sure, Subway may have Jarod and his weight loss, but JJ has me and they're packing it on!

By the way, TSA did actually respond to my complaint and it was without the fanfare of strangers in dark shades. Now, they didn't actually convey any message, but at least some autobot responded. "Vindication is mine". On the other hand, scared crap less to think about my next time in the airport. Again, one fine reason to own a boat.

If I have one more person lie to me... one more person mislead me... one more person give me just plain stupid information I am going to ... put it in a blog.

On the other hand, just when I think I have a handle on the "enough is enough" I prove myself wrong. Case in point: Check out the video (darn funny). The guy knew when to stop. He knew when "enough was enough" but he couldn't help going a step further. Nor did I when I sent it to Ms. Skully.

Enough may be enough - but it's a lot like "having the right to remain silent"... sometimes (often times, we lack the ability).




Skully, signing off. (Sitting here under the palm tree - even if it is electric and its 100 zillion degrees below zero outside.)

Old and Lost

Fact: Skully is a babyboomer.
Fact: Babyboomers don't understand Gen X.
Fact: Skully is reading a book on Gen X, written by Gen X.
Fact: Skully understands less after reading a portion of the book.
Fact: It will soon be time for Gen X to misunderstand Millennials.

Mutiny! (AKA when idiots negotiate)

Aargh! One a me Maties is threatening mutiny.

Possible Responses to the mutinous threat: (is mutinous a word? ps: it passed spellcheck)

1. Go (deleted) yourself.
2. Throw im in the hold.
3. Gee, we are all sensitive and compassionate beings so I hear where you are coming from.
4. Take anybody with you and I'll bludgeon you all.
5. So sorry that things didn't work out. Let's calmly discuss this over tea and crumpets.
6. Wow, I didn't see that one coming ---(this would be a full on lie and Skully doesn't lie. Sure, he believes in the adage that you shouldn't ruin a good story with facts, but that's different).

Probably a host of other responses could be found including, "What would Jimmy do", but at the end of the day, as Adrian Paul said, "There can be only one" and that one is...

SKULLY - see #1 above.

I'll really miss the Mutineer. Right. For about 30 seconds.

Moral of the story: Ants shouldn't threaten lions.

Hmmm, maybe I should advertise my "negotiation" strategies in all of the airlines magazines... nah, that would never work.

Austin - I love you

Texas, being what it is, has never been a bright spot on Skully's travel calendar... until now. Spent a brief time in Austin last week. Some of the cool highlights:

1. Maid that left a note apologizing for moving my stuff so she could make the bed.
2. Cab driver that THANKED me for the $7 fare (including tip).
3. Wake up call that actually happened!
4. Meetings full of absolutely friendly people.
5. Limo driver that arrived 20 minutes early - just so "You didnt need to worry" AND waited another 15 for me to get ready!
6. They have Jimmy John's delivery.
7. Prospective customer that paid for the dinner.
8. Hotel that made me special order eggs in their free hot breakfast trough program.
   

Austin - I love you, Palm Springs you are OK, Las Vegas (well, you're LV) and Miami - you suck!

Why Boats are Better than Planes

Anybody reading this will agree - The answer is obvious. Boats are better because they are intended to be on the water. If, by some weird happenstance you stumbled upon Skully's musings, just take it as a fact that ALL of Skully's pals agree on this.

But now there is a new reason. Recently made a two week trip through the southern half of the country, from California through Nevada, Texas and on into Sunny (or not so in this case) FLA. Understand, after a couple of weeks of airports, taxis, conferences and meetings, Skully was just beginning to wind down (as much as possible in Miami - there is a good reason Miami is known as the 6th Borough or the Southern Jersey shore) and it was time to take one last direct flight back to the frozen tundra called the Land of Frozen Grey Misery. And that is when the troubles came.

Lady in front of me beeped the metal detector twice - no big deal, no big line. Things are still good at this point. TSA lady asks her to check her pockets and then walk back through. Lady notices that she has a small cell phone in her pocket, pulls it out, slips it into a tub and smiles "Oops, sorry". No big deal.

Another TSA person steps up from behind and yells, Hey lady! Those things are made out of metal or didn't you know that?" Lady calmly stops and says, "My mistake but you don't have to be rude about it". Still no harm. This all happened in seconds.

She marches through the detector and all is well... almost. TSA guy says to me, "That wasn't rude, rude would have been if I told her how stupid she was". Now I have had it! "Hey, look. She made a mistake. On the other hand, YOU are THE MISTAKE!" Fists were clenched but Skully quickly recognized that Barney, even without his bullet, could do some serious damage - most likely in a private room with a full cavity search.

I move on. Counter of 5 TSA people standing around, doing nothing. Finally I interrupted their little pow-wow discussion (probably revolving around who got off last night playing Dungeons and Dragons) and asked for a supervisor. Not available. Manager? Not available. Now, the next part will not be recorded here but suffice it to say that I challenged that the fact that no supervision was available for the people who were supposedly guarding our safety. End result? They no longer offer "comment and complaint" cards (probably cant fund the expense) and I was directed to an official TSA website.

Now, somewhere enshrined a special folder at some deep dark secret governmental agency is my name, address, email, flight info. I have a sneaking suspicion that the TSA folks (after their D&D fest) will be waiting to show Skully some "special" attention on his next flight.

Just one more reason that boats are better than planes.

Smart People Doing Stupid Stuff

No, this is not about Twitter or Facebook. An interesting pirate pal of Skully's is just slightly to the right of Atilla The Hun. Actually, he would probably take offense at the "slightly" part. No matter, I happen to like the guy. Combination programmer and fire arms dealer. Now, he's a pretty informed guy and quite intelligent. Since we tend to disagree on a lot of things - fewer as Skully gets older - one might think that after I read his weekly newsletter (publishes several), my anger was based the slant of his comments. Quite the opposite.

He quoted somebody worthy of quoting (in his opinion) in that Obama was sworn in without the use of a Bible. This pissed me off! Who is this guy standing in front of the American public, being sworn in to the highest office in the land and doing it without the requisite Bible.

Fortunately, one of Skully's Jr. Pirates heard the rantings spewing forth from the fore deck and said, "Uh, pop, you might want to check your sources. Obama was sworn in using Lincoln's Bible. It's been all over the news". I checked. Sure enough, Abe's Bible was right there on the stand.

To Skully's friend: "You used to piss me off because of your position, now you piss me off because you spew out wrong stuff and in Skully's opinion, you do it on purpose just to scare and anger people". Hmmm... sounds like he would make a darn fine politician (exactly the people he says he despises for exactly the same reasons.

Practical Tips for A Better Life

Now, Skully happens to love Boil-In-A-Bag Meat, so this is not meant as a condemnation of Taco Bell, merely good and practical advice with a real-world application. Go to Taco Bell at times other than lunch and dinner.

Why?

1. Taco is warm enough to actually melt the cheese.
2. OK, there is really only one reason. See above.

That's pretty much it for life advice today.

Advice to New Freelancers/Soloists

Practical advice is hard to come by, so Skully felt duty bound to provide some to his freelancing buddies (PS: E.S. - you're no longer part of the tribe now that you are "working for the man").

Here are some helpful hints from books/articles on being self-employed - yes, I MAY have modified slightly.

• Get out of the house/office.
  
• Show up at somebody else's door and tell them you are here for your appointment.
• 
  
• Go to a little roadside bistro.
• Take your own box of wine.
• 
  
• Watch a beautiful sunset.
  
• Scream really loud, "FU sun! You're breaking up with ME!?"
• 
  
• Take a long walk.
• To the liquor store.
• 
  
• Enroll in a comedy improv class.
• Take a date and tell them, "Surprise, I signed you up. You only THOUGHT you were funny".
• 
  
• Schedule a lunch date and promise to pay.
• Then don't show up.
• 
  
• Eat crackers in bed.
  
• Then kick yourself out.

This should help get you through that first week.

The Inaguration, Metamucil, Beer, Freelancing and Depends

What a fascinating day! Inauguration 2009! Wow! New President... New Day... New Hope. Cool stuff but nothing to do with what's on Skully's mind. Seems that a number of my friends have found themselves in the position of becoming freelancers. Quite honestly, Skully envies them. Well, not the lack of start-up income -- the simple joy of having the word "free" in their job title. Somehow it seems empowering. But that's not my point either.

Must be that Skully is moving from the "how's it going years" to the "how it was years" because he is looking at some comments from his freelancing pals who find themselves motivated (terrified) by the notion of ending up living with their parents. Well kiddies, YOU think YOU are scared? What about those parents that are thinking, "Crap, the brat may have to move back home! Their little sanctuary room has already become my home theater. Geez, the only reason I can have my home theater is BECAUSE they moved out! Now I might have to take them back? I don't freakin think so!"

I know, there is the benefit of their being able to make the beer run but now you're gonna have to worry about whether your robe is closed. Now you're going to have to clean up after them again. Now you're gonna have to move the beer in the fridge to make room for tofu or some other non-edible crap.

They're going to want to watch Friends when you're used to Green Acres reruns. And to top it all off, they're going to laugh at your breakfast prunes and mid-day Metamucil cocktail.

Then again, they can make the beer run. Maybe it aint so bad after all. I suppose in the end, it Depends on who's diaper is changed last.

Skully... A Man of Intellect

Short and to the point.

I heard from seven people today that their products are, "better than everyone else's". Yes, I counted. Mathematically impossible as all seven of these people offer the same product category. For reasons beyond my willingness to contemplate, I found this interesting. How could everybody's products be better than everyone else's? Only in the world of marketing can claims like this be made without reservation... all the while knowing that:

1. No one believes it. Either teller or listener.
2. Nobody cares.
3. It probably comes down to price anyway.

See how smart Skully is.

Further "intellectual observation":

Some folks I know raised their prices. In a big way.
They sell "commodity" products.
People bought from them anyway.
Trust me, they don't do anything special or in marketing-speak, "value-add".
For them, the concept of price elasticity seems to be invalid while for others it holds true.
Yes, there are factors that have not been measured and identified.
No, this is not a statistically relevant test.

Point? Sometimes it is better to just try something than to over-think it. Maybe that's why a whole lot of mildly intelligent people do a whole lot more than the brainiacs.

Other point? There is hope for Skully. After all, he's a whole lot less brilliant than everyone else.

Apropos of Nothing

Heard a great joke today. It was funny.
Spent time in a big meeting. It wasn't funny.
Looked up the definition of "definition". Probably not funny, but made me laugh.

Skully... On "Inspiration"

Feeling mighty inspired. Better act quick before I come to my senses.

Somebody asked me today, "Where does all of your inspiration come from?" My response? "Well, you know. The whistling pines. The sound of birds chirping their songs in the early morning quiet. A well placed smile. You know, all the usual places.

"No. Seriously. Where?" Apparently they KNOW me.

In frustration, I resorted to a truthful answer (last resort). "Well, the good stuff pretty much comes from some of the classic song lines and titles". Not the glorious absence of "easy listening".

The weather is here, wish you were beautiful
I went our with Mr. Cheap Date
I heard I was in town
Uno Mas Cerveca
The wino and I know
If I were Ron Howard's brother
Living life is never easy as it seems
Things get complicated when you get past eighteen
That stupid Bxxx
I don't eat much for a hollow man
Gently broken
I surrender
Staring up at the stars
Don't I take your sister driving every night
She put the funk in dysfunctional
White trash wedding (do not even ask!)
Working too hard
The everclear song
Let's get started if we're gonna break my heart
Baby it's cold outside (The Ann Margaret and Al Hirt version)
You call it jogging, I call it running around
A fight for all the wrong reasons
If anyone cared
Can't do a thing to stop me
Semi-true story
She's better lookin when you're lonely
That really sucks
Walkin in the rain (by this really cool friend of mine)


But to set the record straight, I get some pretty good stuff from the characters of books...
Myron Bolitar
Spencer
Travis MacGee
Skink
Shorty
Elvis Cole
Joe Pike
Dave Robicheaux

See, like I said, "inspiration" is all around us. The scary part is what it just may inspire Skully to do. Case in point... watched Transporter... leaving now to test drive a BMW. No plans on buying. Going to fill the trunk with Coronas and dance naked into the night.

A Genius, If Only Momentary

Well, it is indeed official... Skully is a financial genius! With all of the talk about bailouts, deficits, down markets and the like; this Ol Pirate has it all figured out. OK, he has part of it figured out.

As with the beginning of every new year, there is a time for house cleaning, office cleaning and well, yes, even a little financial "straightening". After a few hours of Quicken work, it would appear that somehow, miraculously, Skully's outgo is a whole lot bigger than his ingo.

So, what's that tell us?

1. You can spend more than you make.
2. Even with significant excess spending, you will still be in far better shape than the Government and Big Business.
3. Moral? I was irresponsible... but a whole lot less than all of the Super Brains.
4. Moral Re-thought? The Super Brains are doing their "figgering" from the Tropics and I remain stuck in the Tundra.

Crap! Maybe I aint so bright after all.