Happy Thanksgiving

Quotes on Thanksgiving. Take your pick. And it doesn't hurt to remember that this is one holiday that is truly and uniquely American!

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

JFK

"Here I am at 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt."

Roseanne Barr

And for those of you gathered around the kitchen table with family and friends, you may want to keep these words of wisdom in mind. If you are really courageous, you may want to offer them up as thanks.

"God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends."

Ethel Watts Mumford

See? Success Isn't That Hard in Corporate America

Skully is a Big Company Refuge. He walked off that gangplank a long time ago and has found the waters to be just fine, thank you. Another one of his pirate pals sent him this.



It would be really, really funny if it wasn't so true. Thanks, M, it does remind me of the old days.

No bright ideas.
Play it safe.
No point of view.
Smile at execs.
Company policy is by me ok.
Every day, same lunch.

Stupid Stuff

Patents. According to the US Patent and Trademark Office:

The Constitution of the United States gives Congress the power to enact laws relating to patents, in Article I, section 8, which reads “Congress shall have power . . . to promote the progress of science and useful arts, by securing for limited times to authors and inventors the exclusive right to their respective writings and discoveries.” Under this power Congress has from time to time enacted various laws relating to patents.

http://www.uspto.gov/web/offices/pac/doc/general/index.html#patent

Now, read this again... "to promote the progress of science and useful arts". Got it? Cool. Now consider patent #6644498. According to the Summary, this patent is for, "The present invention is a continuous strip of ring blanks that can be torn from the continuous strip and formed into napkin rings." Yes kids, its a patent to protect the inventor of paper napkin rings! Seriously! OK, its more technical but I have in my hand one paper napkin ring. Its a strip of paper with adhesive on it. Somehow it would seem to Simply Skully that this fails both the "unique" and "non-obvious" tests but that's probably because I am not sufficiently enlightened as to the sheer brilliance of said invention.

According to Skully's brief perusal of the Internet, one can apply for a patent for as little as $500 but the average cost to receive a patent is between $5000 and $10,000. Clearly a bargain if your goal is to protect the intellectual property brilliance of, well, say, "paper napkin rings on a roll".

9 Sales Tips For RIGHT NOW!

OK, so Skully finally comes clean. Yes, he is a sales guy. And no, he doesn't need any more jokes about which is a lower life form:
A. Pirate.
B. Sales Guy.
C. Lawyer.

Note: Obviously the answer is C.

Skully's crew and mates are mostly sales guys and gals so it's pretty difficult for him not to sometimes drag "sales stuff" into his blog. But with the amount of bitchin' he is hearing right now, he simply can't stand by and not say something. Silence is not a characteristic he often exhibits. Besides, who knows... maybe it will help some other pirate out there.

1. Holiday Times Are Great Sales Times - because the competition is probably taking the winter nap.
2. Share Some Good News - because everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, is complaining about the economy and who can't use a little good news any way.
3. Find a Reason To Make Contact - what better time than at the holidays to thank somebody for their business support.
4. Make 400 More Contact Calls - as easy as one in the morning and one at the end of the day, every day. Admit it, for some of you that's more total prospecting calls than you are making now.
5. Prospect. Prospect. Prospect. Customers are fickle. Times are a little dicey. More customers will fall prey to the new guy who offers a price discount.
6. Hunt Big. Go where volume is. Yes, big prey can be tougher to bring down but 200 pound tuna feeds a lot more people than 100 7 inch bluegills. And they are more fun AND most of your competitors are too chicken to hunt big prey anyway.
7. Opportunity and Obligation. Seth Godin attributes Flynn Berry with the following quote:

   "It's not an opportunity, it's an obligation"

8. Think about that statement the next time you agree to do anything (meet quota, solve a need, show up for Johnny's 1st grade concert). In sales, if you are serious about success, your goal has to be to find an "opportunity" in which you are uniquely qualified to solve a problem. Once you find that "opportunity", doesn't it just make sense that you now have an "obligation" to deliver that solution? Of course it does. Find opportunities and become personally obligated to solving them.
9. Find Like Minded Allies. Find success-driven people and hang out with them. Hold each other accountable for staying upbeat, positive and success-directed. I don't think I can emphasize this enough.

Not The Usual Rant

A friend of Skully's is struggling with some stuff. No names. No details. He/She knows who he/she is. Skully's not the most sensitive guy and pretty much misses out on a lot of what people are going through - mainly because he doesn't listen. But there are times when he sees somebody breaking.

Pal - I want you to know that you are a whole lot more than you know right now and I wouldn't doubt that with the holidays coming our way, some of the emotional junk is going to get worse. I don't have any great words of wisdom (wish I did) but if you can find it in you to watch the video and listen to the words, maybe you will begin to see more of who you really are.

Yes, Skully is a Christian. Probably not the best example and undoubtedly a hypocrite but give him a break... his story is still being written.

That "Special" Time of the Year

Warning: If you are looking for some great insight into life, this post probably won't provide you with much value. On the other hand, if you are young enough that you might be thinking about heading North for some great fun in the snow these holidays, this minor rant just might save you from the mistake. Remember, your elders know best (all that accumulated wisdom - prior to the onset of mad cow) and nobody goes north to retire! There is a reason for that.



It's wonderful to experience the turning of the leaves... the changing of the temperatures... wait! No, its not. Fact of the matter is that cold weather sucks. Sure, those pictures of Aspen in the winter look beautiful. But it's cold. There is wind... cold wind. There is no wind... still cold. Bottom line - Fall is beautiful BUT it's only a tease. The "treat" is cold, cold and more cold.

Come on now, which looks better? Above or either of the two below. You get three guesses.

Key West

Maui

And for my friend who is strangely and inexplicably attached to her new puppy, imagine taking SJ out in the white crap. Yes, it's oh so cute when they run around throwing mini snowballs in the air with their nose... but it aint so cute that its worth the frostbite from having to take Cujo out. PS: The walk will be longer... and there is a reason for that too. Has to do with the body's decreasing ability to "function" when it freezing. Do Fido a favor, let her poop where it's warm.

It hasn't even snowed yet in Skully Land and he's already dreading it. Time to set sail for a better latitude.

Management Sucked... Labor Saved The Day

Skully dropped by his favorite bar and grill for lunch. Service sucked. Not sorta stunk... sucked. 52 minutes to get burger and fries. 40 minutes outside his comfort zone. Wait staff was cool and kept apologizing. Other diners were pissed. Including the group who waited over 45 minutes to get every one of their orders wrong.

Management Involvement: Zero.
Management Apologies: Zero.
Compensation: Zero.

The dear waitress said as I was paying the bill, "I'm really really sorry. I just hope you come back. I really do."

That's all it took. She actually, truly and deeply cared. Even though I was leaving Zero tip. Seemed appropriate.

Will I be back? You bet. She cared... and they have great burgers.

Why don't managers/owners care as much as $/hr workers? I hear owners bitching about how hard it is to find good people... maybe they should look in the mirror when they ask that question.

Why Waste Your Time and Mine?

The pirate speaks.

How many times are you asked for "your thoughts"? Seems to happen all of the time to me. Now, before you think that I am A)bragging or B) really smart; this pirate learned (and frequently, due to ego issues, has to relearn) that the questioneer often times is really only looking for some type of validation of what they already believe - or they are testing me to see if "I am as smart as they are".

In other words, they don't truly want to know my thoughts as a lamp upon their walkway to enlightenment... they want to know if I am in their camp or they want to pat themselves on the back for their own brilliance. Either way, their inquiry becomes a waste of the few synapses I have left to utilize.

Not to put too fine of a point on in it, but... when people ask me for, "my opinion", here is my answer, "My thoughts are far too vast and complex for comprehension by mere mortals such as yourself."

Arrogant? Probably. Appropriate? Absolutely.

Taking Responsibility - CEO of Your Own Life

One things need to set for the record - Skully does not lay blame. Period. Simply put, he takes responsibility for the stuff that's in his control (darn little) and he takes responsibility for dealing with the stuff that isn't in his control (most everything). And this is why he takes exception with one of the best business minds (or at least the one of the best self-promoters) going.

Skully loves Guy Kawasaki. Hey Now! Skully's a pirate and he don't swing that way so get back on board the ship - this aint one of "those" sites, ok? Now, a sleep-over with Denny Crane, that's something different entirely (but clearly still within the bounds of hetero).

His issue with Guy right now is a recent posting on Guys' blog. The posting is great and highly practical, but it gives the reader the idea that success is based on the employer - not the employee. OK, there is some credence to that idea but Pirates take responsibility for their own lives. They don't wait to react to "signs from the CEO".

Skully highly recommends reading his post How To Tell If Your CEO Is Clueless and after you do, think about this for a minute: Do you make the same comments in your business or personal life? Are you buying your own press? Or, do you look reality firmly in the eye and say, "Bring it on! I am ready. I am in control of what I do! I am in control of my friggin life!"

If that's too much, grab a life boat, paddle for shore , crawl back up to your shack and lay down on the porch... like a whipped dog. You make the choice - but make it directly and honestly.

Oh, and by the way, if you do hear your CEO and other management types using the phrases Guy mentions, grab that life boat and paddle like hell over to a pirate ship! You'll have a lot more fun. A lot more adventure. And after all, isn't that a big part of why we hang on to this big round ball?

Why Is This Stuff So Hard?

Skully had meetings today. Skully was not smiling. No wind in his sails but he was expecting some serious hot air to come his way soon.

MEETING 1: Revolved around some strange concept called, "Organizational Development". Good way to kill some time and let the ol mind wander to the beach. I did pop up from visions of sand, bikinis, beer and boats to ask a few questions.

Q: Hey, bright boy, just what is it that you get paid to do?
A: Blah, blah, blah.

Sounded like really bad "marketing speak". You know the stuff. Incomprehensible ramblings full of buzz words and sound bites. So, I tried again.

Q: No, seriously. What is it that you get paid to do?
A: Huh?

See? The second time you ask a question, you get to the heart of the matter. He didn't know either. So he didn't feel singled out (that would be politically incorrect, picking on the idiot in the room) I tried the next person. And so it went until it was obvious that no one could distill their primary purpose for being on the payroll.

NEXT MEETING - Strategic Sales Plan Review for Upcoming Year

OK, Mr. Sales Pro, your pipeline represents 25% of your current total sales. You anticipate 20% attrition and your most active customers are down by 15%. Explain to me again just how you think you are going to grow your revenue by 35% in 2009.


NEXT MEETING - Called a boat captain I know in the keys and asked about an open-ended charter. Explained that "I don't each much for a hollow man... (if you don't get it, jump over to the link for Snoloha - great island tunes) and I'm thinking of taking a long trip but before you count your money, I have two questions for you: 1) Explain what "Organizational Development" means and 2) What do you get paid to do?" His responses brought a smile to this crusty heart. 1) Huh? (good answer) and 2) I get paid to take your sorry butt to where ever you want to go (right answer).

I guess this stuff really isn't all that hard. Like all of those brilliant business gurus say, "It's all about the people".

A True American - Vote Denny Crane

In case you remain undecided. Check out Denny. He's honest. Stands for what he believes and stands by his friends. Now, THAT's an American!

In Memorium

Tony Hillerman passed away last week. We will miss Chee and Leaphorn. To say nothing of the Begays. Tony, you will be missed but not forgotten.

Election Eve

Wow! After tomorrow, our great nation will have new leadership. Well, maybe, "leadership" is too strong of a word. After tomorrow, our great nation will have new leaders. Then again, maybe not. If I am too believe that McCain chose Palin as "his best running mate" (which suggests his best chance to win, no possible way this is the best second in command), then he has shown poor judgement or at least, very few smarts. What is far more likely is that she was selected by McCain's handlers. Evidence that "leaders" are not leaders, merely talking heads guided by the real power, the people behind the scenes. Which brings us to Obama. I don't even know where to start on that one.

Neither candidate is remotely eloquent. Neither candidate has explained their stance on anything without contradiction. Leaders have to have a strong sense of both person and purpose. They must be able to "sell their vision" - a vision in which they passionately believe in. Frankly, neither candidate has either - they lack the ability to sell their convictions and the character to have, and stick to, their convictions.

In this great nation, are these two people the best that we have to choose from? And to my dear mother, yes, I know, Teddy Roosevelt only had 2 years of political service, as does Palin. But, for crying out loud, are you really comparing The Original Rough Rider to Palin? Sorry mom.

Skully's Prediction: Obama wins and his handlers prevent him from doing the disaster that he could if he were left to his own devices.

"God bless America" - not a simple emotional statement... but an actual prayer. We are going to need it more than ever.

Me personally? I am still hopeful that Denny Crane will carry the day. At least we would know where we stand and exactly what he would do.