Advice To Junior Pirates (My Kids)

Note: This was first posted a couple of years back as "guidance" to my kids. I might as well share it with you - no way my 16 and 22 year old are going to listen to me.


The world doesn't know what's best for you... but I have some insight.

1. Relationships: God first, family second, everything after that pretty much falls into place. Yeah, I know... so do as I say, not as I do.
2. Sometimes parents blow it. See 1 above.
3. Do what you love, the money - or other rewards - will follow.
4. If you show people you care (and truly do care), they will care about you.
5. Focus on the other person. Its a lot more interesting and you, like just about everyone else, probably spend too much time thinking about "you" anyway.
6. The past is past. Let it go.
7. Really learn what Abraham Maslow was talking about in his hierarchy of needs. The applications are endless so long as its "not just about you".
8. Don't try to change people, its not your job and you're not equipped to do it anyway. Help them, care about them, but leaving the changing stuff up to God - He's better at it than you are anyway.
9. If its got an engine, its going to cost you... a whole lot more than you think.
10. Look before you leap... then leap anyway.
11. Take big risks.
12. See the world.
13. Meet people from different cultures and spend more time learning about their culture than you spend telling them about yours.
14. Try some new foods. Then go back to cheeseburgers.
15. Fictional characters are just that, fictional. Be you, not some idealized character.
16. Don't settle for anything less than deeply, incredibly, overwhelmingly incredible.
17. Life's short, forgiveness is long.
18. Friendships are rare. The ones that matter the most are probably the ones that take the most time to nurture.
19. Try to do things right the first time.
20. After you fail at 19 above, keep at it (if its worthy of the efforts) until you get it right.
21. Create value, not a big bank account.
22. Share success.
23. Take responsibilities for failure... give credit for successes away.
24. Let somebody else win sometimes.
25. Spend your time and energy on cool and worthwhile stuff... there's plenty of people who will work on junk.
26. Demand more of yourself than others.
27. Clean your room when you live with your parents.
28. Clean your room when you don't live with your parents.
29. Toxic is toxic, regardless of wherever it resides in your life.
30. Smile big and lots. Then smile bigger and more.
31. Brush your teeth.
32. Don't do something "better than someone else", do it completely differently than anyone.
33. The world needs more creators. Be creative.
34. The world needs more people of passion. Be passionate.
35. Marry once and stick it out. Marry someone of faith.
36. Be nice to mom and dad, they have a hard job.
37. Its true, you kids grow up fast... but remember, us parents grow old just as fast.
38. Take 37 to heart. Spend some time with us while before we are drooling in our oatmeal.
39. We are proud of you... even when you don't deserve it.

Note: Probably won't hurt to add granddad's advice to young men (next time, Pops, think about sharing this a little earlier, ok?): "If it's got breasts or wheels, it's going to cost you money".

What Do You Get Paid To Do?

Once again, Skully is perversely thankful for the opportunity to enjoy a work environment in which he gets paid to be entertained. Big, long meeting. Not sure of the purpose... even less sure of the outcome. "Next steps and action items"... forget about it. All sorts of ambiguous ramblings about "accountability", "teams", "productivity", "organizational development", "culture", "empowerment", blah, blah, blah. For my part, I felt compelled to throw in the concept of, "value add". Figured that one more term that no one could clearly define could only add to the obscurity of the point of the meeting. Anyhoo... one big point kept coming up - everybody wanted "accountability" from the rank and file (yes, this was a managers meeting) but no one could really answer the most basic question for each of the positions. The question is, "What do you get paid to do". Hundreds of minutes on the topic of job descriptions and performance reviews but nobody could boil it down to, "what does the person in this role get paid to do".

Why is that so difficult to answer? Because management wants "productivity"... "part per hour"... "quality ratings"... oh, and they need to interact well with the rest of the kiddies in the sandbox. Of course, they also need to be able to "do whatever it takes to (fill in the blank). I know, Skully isn't all that lucid right now... BUT - HE knows what he gets paid to do. He gets paid to be entertained.

In all seriousness, Skully is starting a new revolution. A revolution that says, "If you don't know what (and precisely what) you get paid to do - and more importantly - if your boss can't articulate what you get paid to do in a single sentence, then just quit going in to work. There really isn't any point. You might as well just have the check forwarded to your house and stay at home. If they can't tell you what you get paid to do, then they must not really know. And if they don't know, then what's the point of showing up.

World Back On Axis

Picture this. Handing my boarding ticket to checker inner guy. Lady walks in front of me and forces her ticket on the guy. And I do mean FORCES. Being both observant and wrong, I see that she is dressed in AA uniform so I assume that she is part of the crew. Oh, how I am wrong! She boards directly in front of me. Stops right at my seat. Stows two pieces of luggage in MY overhead bin. Then moves on to her seat, several rows further back. Oh, did I mention that she still has in her possession one carry on item. Yes, she boarded with THREE carry ons. Now keep in mind that I paid the $15 for my ONE checked bag and carried on a small backpack. Look, if you are going to charge for baggage (slowing the entire boarding process to a crawl Mr. American Airlines), and you are going to limit the carry-ons to two... it might be a good idea to let your employees know that they need to follow the same rules! American Airlines - YOU SUCK! Your customer minded employee prevented me not only from putting my back pack in the overhead, she didn't even leave room for me to lay out my jacket. Figured, "what the heck", balled it up in a wad and shoved it overhead. Well, at least her precious American uniform wasn't harmed. That was a close one.

On a more positive note, I did go back to Home Depot on both Saturday and Sunday. Got the same great service. Scared me pretty badly until I experienced American's abysmal service Monday. I feel better now. The world is back on its axis.

The Day The World Slipped of Its Axis

Went to Home Depot. Expected the usual. Being ignored. Asking for help and being given bad information. Not being able to find someone to help when I needed it. A checkout line with two people that somehow takes 45 minutes. You know, the usual "help" they offer.

In no way did they meet my expectations. They found what I needed. Cheerfully helped me. Smiled at me. Asked how I was doing. Downright pleasant! Clearly, the Earth slipped of its axis. Be interesting to see how other businesses handle this present economic situation. Will they become more service-oriented? Will store clerks actually serve with a smile? Will businesses fight to compete by being friendly? Or, was today just an aberration? This crusty old pirate sure hopes that Home Depot's treatment doesn't catch on. Otherwise, only the best customer-care companies will survive. Imagine what would happen then. All of the companies that compete on prices with the same products will be out of business. And you know what that means. Those very few companies left will raise prices due to lack of competition and suddenly a gallon of milk will cost $14.99.

On the flip side, then new companies will enter the market. Prices will drop. Service will go right back in the toilet. New strip centers will spring up. In other words, we will be right back where we are now.

My guess: Today was merely an aberration. Tomorrow will bring the same miserable shopping experience we are used to.

Meetings

Skully is feeling a little brief tonight. Ever notice that the initials for "Big Meeting" are BM? There is a message in there somewhere. Sat through a pretty tedious, not to mention, laborious, meeting today. Outcome? None. Time invested? 4 hours X 4 people. Cost? 4 execs earning over $150k each per year. You do the math. Issues? Serious. Action steps post-meeting? None. Good use of time or waste? Waste. Why? That's what execs do. See, Skully doesn't always get to play the pirate. Sometimes, he has to don the guise of "business person" and play at the grown up table. Lessons learned? Waste other people's time... not your own. Application: assign others to the worthless meetings and roll the hammock out on the deck. Life's short.

It's All About Me

Read somewhere that one of the "rules" for blogging is that the blog isn't something to be about the writer, but about the audience. Sounds like good marketing advice. Problem is that this blog is about me! So, I guess I will simply recognize the rule and decide to ignore it. Problem solved.

This got me thinking. For all of the new techie stuff, marketing hasn't changed. Marketeer wants to manipulate the reader/viewer to take an action. The action is generally in the best interest of the marketeer. Go figure, it's a "money thing". Yes, it should benefit the "buyer"... blah, blah, blah. Point is, either I am too old and stubborn to recognize some new dynamic or, maybe just maybe, things haven't really changed all that much since Marketing 101 way "back in the day".

Which leads me to me real point. Met an amazingly cool PR firm today that works a lot in the social media and environmental sustainability space. Way cool company. Way cool "space" (when did people quit having offices and start having "space"?). On to the point. These folks just plain "get it". They recognize that technology is the tool, not the whole point. Marketeers be warned (especially agencies), there are actually people out there that focus on the client's needs and then show them the tools that are now available to accomplish those needs/goals.

Final point: I have zero stinkin idea what any of this "new stuff" is. I don't understand twitter, friendfeed, mashable, etc. I can barely spell RSS. I wish I did, but I don't and I am too damn old to start figuring it all out! Now, find a way for me to work from my boat... then you have something. Show me where to get those cool flip flops with a built in bottle opener in the sole, then you have something. Otherwise, I am going off the grid and leaving the "cool stuff" up to the next generation. But, "next generation", just remember, I am the guy that pays you, so you better figure out a way to market to me in terms that are relevant to me... in ways that are "all about me". In other words, we are right back to square one in marketing - and we never really left.

Skully Loves His Fellow Pirates And Thoughts On Oracle

Normally, Skully is all about bragging up his fellow pirates. Unfortunately there are times when a line must be drawn in the sand. One of my best mates has a great blog. She is funnier than a one-legged pirate trying to play hopscotch. However, her recent post has gone too far. She's writing about her mucus challenges! Actually, it is very funny and once again proves that real human voices, not corporate speak, is the best form of communication. Sure, the content may be a little "snotty", but at least she is open, honest, personal and sharing real life. Might not be a bad way for corporate marketeers to communicate. Think about it. People love people. It's simply not possible to "love a company", not matter what Steve Jobs thinks.

My argument may lose some validity when you think about Oracle. Nobody (other than Larry) loves Larry. Then again, maybe nobody loves Oracle. Point proven. Skully donned his work suit (hated it) and spent time with some folks (definitely not pirates). Turns out they had tried to implement Oracle. Spent some pretty big bucks and decided to kick it overboard and watch those sunk costs... well, sink. Aint the first time this story has been told. Just a thought but, "Larry, what about slipping Skully 1 percent of the revenue you got from companies that never implemented Oracle?" Seems fair to Skully. Besides, he needs to buy his pal some new Kleenexs and with what's left over, he could probably buy that private island he has has heart set on.

A Pirate Turns 16

Aargh. The youngest pirate on the ship turns 16 Sunday! Too young to pilage and plunder, too old to hang out with pops. (Sorry to Ian Anderson and the boys of Jethro Tull for desecrating their line). Yep, the boy hits the big 16 this week. Been doing that driving thing but not quite ready to take the helm. Left Catholic confinement (sorry to Jimmy for stealing the line) at the end of Freshmen year and moved back mainstream. Doing a lot better! While Skully has nothing against Catholics or Catholic schools, the school he attended last year just plain sucked. Had nothing to do with the religion aspect, had everything to do with misguided school administration and really really arrogant teachers. Now, I don't mind forking over $9 grand for the school year, what I do mind is not having any say in how the people I give my money provide me with value. There's not a pirate on the high seas that didnt understand that they were simply taking something for nothing. At least they were honest. Compare that with the school he went to last year. They claimed to care about the students... ha ha ha!

Check this out: They have a policy that actually prevents teachers and administrators from meeting with parents unless the child is present. Interesting concept... which doesn't make it right.

Education in this country is a mess. An absolute mess. We current rank way way down in math and sciences and we're worried that we aren't producing enough engineers. So what! What about exploring what's in the hearts of the kids we are raising and help set them up for success? Why don't we find out what turns them on and find ways to make this country great again by encouraging children's strengths instead of trying to create science, math and engineering wizards! What we need isn't more math/science/engineers... what we need are more passionate people who do the work they love! Who find ways (with our help and encouragement) to follow their passion. Maybe what we will end up with is a generation that cares more about passionately contributing their talents and desires to society vs. encouraging corporate greed. Nah... that's just foolish! After all, look at our current economy; clearly we need more young people that only care about the money they make, I mean, after all, that's been working real well as of late.

Let's start a revolution! A revolution that encourages COURAGEOUS LIVING! Living lives of passion and adventure. Living lives that give back (in financial and heart) to our great country. Living lives that excite the next generation to strive to follow their dreams. WE NEED MORE DREAMERS! The world is already flat according to Mr. Friedman (now, it's apparently, flat, hot and overcrowded he says), so if we need more engineers, what's wrong with them coming from India? Our greatest export skill can be passion! Japan has certainly proven that you can raise the test scores with year round, one-size-fits-all, militant education. And what do they have to show for it? A new generation that has no heart for doing anything! Their young people lack drive - not because of any racial issues; solely because they have never been afforded the opportunity to be creators. Passionate people create things. New ways to do things. New and innovative ways.

My gift to my 16 year old won't be a car. It won't be a week at math camp. It won't be some "luxury" purchase... then again, maybe it will be the greatest luxury gift of all; the luxury of knowing that his captain and first mate will encourage him to discover his dreams.

Airline "Service"

Skully really prefers not to have to fly. But when he does take to the air (and that's pretty frequent), he really wonders where the flight and gate attendants come from! Are they trained to be rude? Is there some screening process that screens out anyone with a reasonably positive outlook on life? Or, do they have some training program that stresses the importance of being rude or at least apathetic? Bob Newhart once recorded a great comedic sketch on Bus Driver Training. Darn funny. Well, it was funny until it apparently became the training program for the airlines. Southwest, you guys and gals get it right! Midwest, you are doing a reasonable job. Delta, US Airways, Continental, United... come on. True story: "How come you charge for the first bag (US Airways)?" Answer: "Because we needed to raise our prices but couldnt advertise an increase". Or, as another passenger told me they heard, "Because we can". Nice work US Air.

Which leads me to my point: Great customer service creates wildly loyal customers. But in today's business climate, you don't even need great customer care, you only need decent to be heads and tails above the majority of your competitors. Want to win in business, start a revolution - be good to your customers! Let them know you love them! Take it from this pirate, create a culture of caring about your customers and your customers will care about you... and they will tell everyone they know! Oh, and don't take care of your customers... well, you end up in blogs like this.

Why I Am Sick of Jimmy Buffet

"Heresy", you say. Yes, I know. Some of my friends may disown me. But it can't be helped. Fact is, I am sick of Jimmy. Don't get me wrong, I love most of his 11 songs that have been turned into about 4000 different versions. Reminds me of Tony Hillerman's writings. Same stuff, just repackaged. Once, Jimmy was unique. He had stories to tell and he told them well. Then he decided he wasn't a storyteller, he was a brand. And what a brand he became. I darn near bought a pair of Margaritaville shoes the other day! And how about that $300 Margaritaville blender! I'm serious! And to top it all off, now we've got Kenny Chesney becoming Jimmy Buffet! Jimmy, we had this really cool thing going, you and I. You wrote great songs and I bought them all. You wrote some great books and I bought those (well, I didnt buy the new one about pigs). I bought 20 different versions of each of your songs. I gave you tons of money and you gave me tons of value. I even bought your frozen shrimp, which is really good unless you actually want more than 1.4 shrimp for $7.

I do thank you deeply for creating "Trop Rock", which Jimmy Pirate and the people at Tropicast Radio have taken to an even higher standard, but come on, shoes and blenders... give it a rest. Quit marketing your brand and start writing some more great tunes! That's all I am asking.

Oh, why am I sick of Jimmy? Because I am jealous.

What's On My Mind - Slowing Down

Skully here. Sometimes you just gotta get away. Last week was the perfect example. The better half let me know, in less than flattering terms, that WE needed to get away. Skully's not the brightest guy but he knows when to just say, "Okay", so I threw out three options. 1) Las Vegas. 2) Key West. 3) New Orleans. Her comment was something like, "Fine with me. You choose, but I'll be in Key West. So, off to the Southernmost we went. Four days. Great time. No blackberry. No office communication. Skully was one happy pirate. Here's the thing; when you get to the literal end of the road and it's on an island and the island has no electricity (apparently this is not an infrequent occurence), you really don't have much choice but to slow down. And it's this, "slowing down" thing that Skully is sort of liking. See, pirates didn't really do much other than occassionally plunder and wage short battles. Other than that, they pretty much sat around the ship and relaxed with a little maintenance thrown in. Maybe, just maybe there is a lesson in there somewhere if we look deeply enough. We're too busy being too busy. We're not really all that effective. Mostly, we're just busy.

We spend our days busting hump; getting home too tired to really engage with the rest of the family. Then, on our "relaxing" weekend, one parent runs one kid to the soccer game and the other parent takes the other kid to the baseball game somewhere else. Dead tired, mom and pop get home after grabbing fast food; exhausted because there's been no time to recover and restore the batteries. Finally, late Sunday night, the family might and I mean might, sit down to veg out in front of the tv. And then it's time to get up and do it all over again! What is going on? Does Johnny need to be in two sports and three school activities while Jane is being speed shuttled to just as many different activities? What happened to night games of stickball in the street and sledding in the park in the winter? Answer: They've been replaced with "busyness".

Frankly, Skully is fed up with self righteous parents bragging about how many busy things their little brats are involved in. Skully is fed up with 60 hour work weeks plus 20 hour weekend activities! Skully is fed up with getting home at midnight so he can catch a plane at 6:30 the next morning. Bottom line, Skully needed Key West! Here's Skully's Key West days:

Day 1: 8 am wake up and have some coffee. Oops, the breakfast at the hotel doesn't start until 8:30! Day 2, Skully sleeps in til 9. Oh, and don't even think about needing a car. Skully's didn't move from the parking space from arrival until 5 days later for departure. After breakfast, take a nice break. Read a book for a while. Slip on the sandals and head up Duval. Check out the Butterfly Musuem and Nature Conservancy (incredible, even for a pirate). Next stop, Southernmost Market. Take a few pictures. Mosey on up to Hemingway House. Take the tour (one of the few guided tours worth the time). Take some pictures of Papa's place and pet a few of the 49 cats. Interested factoid: Each litter of descendants of the original six toed cat, has about half that are six toed and half that aren't). From there, shuffle on down to the Green Parrot. Note: If Albert Castigia is playing later that night, definately go back! Then hit, in whatever order you feel like, Sloppy Joe's and well, every bar. Skip Captain Tony's. It stinks. No, not like, "this place stinks", more like this place reaks. Come on, somebody scrub that place down! After enough cocktails, you have to hit Mallory Square at sunset. After that, there is only one place to go, and that's to the Schooner Wharf. It's exactly what Key West is all about. No other place comes close. Then head back to Green Parrot for the rest of the night/early morning.

Or, don't do any of it! Just sloooooooowwwwwwwww down. Because even Pirates need a break.